Umrao Jaan

Story of a Jamaadaar’s (Sweeper’s) daughter –

on how she is kidnapped by her uncle and sold away in a Courtesan’s house –

on how she falls in love with a Sultan but is betrayed by him due to some misunderstanding (actually he was looking for a chaste, untouched, pure & virgin Prostitute but on finding Umrao to be otherwise, he dumps her !!)–

on how she is turned away by her family because she had become a Prostitute –

thus the movie teaches – Once a Prostitute – always a Prostitute – there is no way out !

I was watching this movie in some TV channel with several irritating breaks but what amazed me more was the way they were promoting this movie – saying ‘Aap sab ka mann mohne` aa rahi hai – Umrao Jaan’! Loo behold!  This is such a sad sad sad story of a girl who had to become a ‘sex maid’/ courtesan at as early an age as 6 or 7 and here the promo are saying that ‘Here comes the sad Courtesan to win your hearts!’ – amazing !! I was so sad for her – in act my heart cried for her for the kind of deplorable life she had to lead on earth  - whereas the TV advertising guys thought it to be some feat for a woman to draw to attention of several frustrated ‘whore mongers’ towards herself just by being bejeweled and occasionally showing her twin assets or any other part of her skin to the already ‘turned on’ mongrels !!Yuk!! what a pukish life!!

Points to be noted Melords :

1. The fact that a Sweeper’s daughter turned out to be so  pretty ..is rather alarming!! Imagine if the Sweeper’s daughter was so pretty then how must the elite class girls looking at that point of time !!Ravishing beauties I must say..thank God I was not born during that time period – or else I would have just been a scare crow !!…or maybe her Mother as a desperate Housewife…? Who knows – she might have copulated with some good looking stud and thus Umrao turned out to be so pretty…..neways – that is not what the movie all about – so lets proceed.
2. Umrao is around 7 when her Uncle kidnaps her and sells her to a Courtesan. He takes her far away from her home town. Thus it is quite clear that such a man – that he was – he must have made her render ‘sexual services’ on the way to the Courtesan’s house. So we can understand that Umrao started her ‘sex’ life pretty early. Later, much later of course , it is shown that the same Uncle suffers from leprosy and is lying on the street with no one to look after – and guess what ? a rich Umrao gives him her gold bangles – kind of forgiving him for his past misdeeds !!Well – this gesture of hers was pretty amazing !Taking her life from the worldly-wise point of view – well maybe she was thanking him for giving her a groovy life. Think of it folks – a Sweeper’s daughter would have got married to maybe some Sweeper and would have somehow lived hand to mouth, wearing torn sarees – she would have had to spend the rest of her life as a subservient female – a free maid – giving birth to mongrels one after the other and looking after the needs of her in – laws and some ugly husband !…and of course there was no guarantee that the husband would be nice and caring or maybe a brothel visitor !! Whereas as a Courtesan, she got the time of her life by getting a chance to have sex with the Sultan – a rich and handsome thug – who, would not have even puked at her , had she been introduced to him as the Sweeper’s daughter !! So you see folks – everything is not as ugly as it appears !!
3. Another character enters in the scene – he is a dacoit but disguises himself as a rich Sultan and guess what and where will dacoits go!? No points for that – obviously to the Courtesan’s house – after looting the commoners and other rich merchants, the money and jewelry go to such ‘sex maids’ only – for they need a lot of money to take care of their skins and eat healthy food in order to be active and ever ready to entertain the clients – unlike the dumb house wife – married to some ‘brothel visitor’ who will live hand to mouth to fill the empty stomachs of the mongrels born to her through senior mongrel !!Gosh! how foolish have women been all these eras – how very foolish !
4. The dacoit disguised as Sultan happens to see/hear of Umrao’s mole in upper thigh (sorry folks – can’t tell exactly – you see during breaks I surf different TV channels so often miss certain scenes ) and tells it to the Sultan. The Sultan thinks that Umrao has been sleeping with the Dacoit so he asks her to get lost ! Amazing !! does he not know that such females are first ‘humped’ by the Pimps and other body guards – only then can they market them well in the ‘whore market’ – how else can you talk of the USP without using the product !?In this movie though it is shown that the pimp rapes Umrao after she breaks up with the Sultan – in real life – it’s the other way round (now some dumb reader should not ask me how I know such details – I have seen many hindi movies (Baghi, Chandni Bar) based on the lives of prostitutes and courtesans and it is very clear to understand how unsafe they are in the hands of males who are not related to them…as if you don’t know yourself!)
5. Anyway – there is another aspect to it as well – Sultan’s father comes to know that his son wants to marry a Courtesan and so he tells him to get lost for he’ll never allow a courtesan to be his daughter – in – law! The young and hot blooded Sultan leaves his house and stays with Umrao for a couple of days in the Courtesan’s house and then in his friend’s house – once he is insulted & driven away by the Head Courtesan (Shabana Azmi). His friend’s wife asks her husband (but obviously) – to drive away the drunkard brothel visitor who was in love with a Courtesan as he would set a bad example for her children. The Sultan hears all this and realizes that life is not easy after all – thus goes back to his house and agrees to marry the girl of his father’s choice. Thus he uses this utterly lame and hilarious excuse of expecting a pure , virgin and chaste Courtesan and since Umrao fails to keep up to his expectations – so he dismisses her !Basically he came to face reality and was intelligent enough to understand the necessity of money and parental support in order to lead a comfortable social life. After marriage when a full grown woman will sleep beside him – he’ll forget all about Umrao and happily ‘hump’ her (eg. Virasat – how Anil Kappr forgets his modern lover and happily – with sound effects – does the needful to ‘ganwaar(village bred rustic)’ Tabu). Still later – when 50 plus , he’ll start going to brothels and spend money like water – telling around people that he is doing it in the memory of his ex-flame Umrao …and all people will marvel at his generosity ..while watching 16 plus girls dance semi nude in front of them – alcohol in one hand….and …!!

Well folks, this is what the Story of Umrao is all about. Later she goes and settles down in her home town as the British Officers were not allowing such things happen so openly as they believed that rebels are being created from such hubs  !!

All the aged men who assemble around Umrao to listen to her song and look at her well maintained body – know of the fact that she was the Jamadaar’s (sweeper’s) daughter – but that did not stop them from coming and watching her and using her……showing that such men are very broad minded after all – they do not mind using their tool for entering into any crevice…it just has to be a crevice – that’s all !!